If you are new and don't know what this is about, just go to the very end of the post (or search for " What's This About? ", less the quotes) and check 'er out!
Days 2...1...0 - Thursday, September 27 - Saturday, September 29, 2012
So today is the big day. I was hoping you would might come today because today is also the 4 year anniversary of my Goompa's death. It would have been beautiful if today could be marked with your entrance into life, but it's ok that you didn't come. I really do trust Jesus about your birthday. What's funny is that as much as I sure would love to meet you soon now that it's actually September 30th (it's 12:10 am as I type this) I sure do hope you'll wait until tomorrow because, well, it's October in 23.9 hours. And October is the most wonderful month in the whole wide world.
The status of things is three fold, so here we go:
My body has remained in early labor since Thursday. I have tons of cramping that feels like really, really bad first day menstrual cramps. They cause cramping down into my thighs and now, on day 3, the cramping has spread to my calves. Into my back. It hurts.
I still have the normal pregnancy related pains that have been around. The groin pain, hips, dizziness, back, etc. I also am having the hardest time hormonally; I feel so grouchy and discouraged and it's a fight to not be an irritable, miserable, awful grouch constantly.
I am pretty much bedridden, too, which is wearing on me. But I can barely do much more than get to the bathroom and back. I'm sure that if I could go for a mile long walk I could get tons of contractions to get labor going. There's horrid sharp pains from nerve issues down...there, and when I walk even a few steps I'll often double over in pain from sharp stabs and contractions. So physically things are rough!
It's hard. With Roger, yes, we went over 40 weeks and he could have come at any time. But there weren't really any signs of labor until the doctor did a cervical check 3 days before induction with Rog and got me all jacked up. But no contractions, none of this cramping, and other than crying constantly from aching to meet my son I wasn't terribly different from my normal self.
This time having so many signs of labor makes me feel on pins and needles. Constantly. And between the constant pain and then the strain of paying such close attention to my body all the time it's just wearing me down.
The other thing is that with you, I really look forward to meeting you but I love having you inside of me. It's not so much "get this baby out" with me, it's just that I wish all of the pain and stuff that I don't like would just stop so I could enjoy however much pregnancy I have left. With Roger I was so worried once we got past 40 weeks that he'd be stillborn or I would have to get a Caesarean that I couldn't enjoy those last few precious days of having him inside of me. This time I am not afraid but I'm enduring pretty awful stuff and it's just a bummer. Feels unfair.
So with all of that, spiritually it's tough. Jesus is enough and I'm crying out to him, but I'm also just trying to get through each day. But what's interesting is that somehow I'm receiving much more grace because I'm aware of how much I need Jesus, how dissatisfied I am, how much my attitude sucks most of the time. Things were honestly just a lot easier in my pregnancy with Roger and so I wasn't as aware of my need for Jesus so I didn't go to him. Sometimes, with you, I don't go but it's just because I'm choosing to give into feeling sorry for myself. But more often than not I am turning to him and asking for grace to endure well.
So there you have it. At the moment I can't bear to be in this position for one more moment so I'll end there. We'll see how many bonus days we get, yeah? Maybe the next post will be that you're here! Or maybe not. Either way, you are loved so deeply sweet girl.
Oh, and in other news, tonight after my jacuzzi bath I was inspired in the shower to shave my legs and then I blow dried and straightened my hair. It's two tiny little things, but just looking a little less crazy frizzy hair bedridden ghetto has made me feel a little better about life. Feel free to come between now and Tuesday, when my hair will be looking probably quite fabulous. ;)
Truly excited to meet you and behold your sweet face.
What's This About?
If you weren't around for it, when I was pregnant with Roger I did a blog series when I reached 100 days remaining until his due date; I knew then and know that September 29, 2012 is really just a placeholder that means very little, but it was fun to count down with Roger. I decided that I'ma try to do it again with Juliet. Now that I have a lovely 15 month old keeping me on my toes I might not be able to hit every single day the way I did with Roger but I still plan to give it my best!
So here we go! The lowdown: I'll keep one post per "decade" of days, updating with the current day at the top each day. Day 10 plus any bonus days will get their own posts until the day our beloved Juliet Elise arrives! And, as with Roger, they'll be addressed to her personally.