Happy 1st Birthday, Roger!

Dear Roger,

I can hardly believe this, but a year ago today at this time the doctors told me I was getting close and we'd be meeting our son in the next few hours. It was still a bit over 5.5 hours away, but we were over 30 hours in at that point, so what was 5 more?

The first ever picture of you :)

Today is the most wonderful of days!

During breakfast (let's be honest: you wake up at 11 so it was 1 pm) I turned on the iPod while I was making you some delicious toast. It just so happened that I had previously paused it in the middle of Taylor Swift's "Enchanted" and I pretty much burst into happy tears. You know this, that song has super special meaning to me. In the months leading up to your birth the lyrics took root in my heart:

This night is flawless 
Don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck
Dancing all the way home
I'll spend forever 
Wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you.

I truly was enchanted to meet you, Roger. It was the best moment of my married life. Daddy and I spent our entire lives waiting to meet you and when we did it changed everything. You turned us from a husband and wife into parents.

Last night, Daddy and I snuggled up in bed and looked through your birth album and a few of your first months of life albums. We both got pretty emotional. This has been such a wonderful year, son! We've seen you grow from tiny newborn into a little man who walks and tries to run and loves to give us high five and can never get enough kisses from Mama and who laughs and smiles far more than we dared to even hope for. You're such a happy boy! We love you even when you're feeling mega-groucho and sick and even when you're rebellious and look at us like we're the enemy.

We tell you this every night and it's still true: nothing you ever do will make us love you less and there's no amount of obedience or "good" things you can do to make us love you more. We love you because you are. Jesus made you and he decided that Daddy and I would be your parents, and that is why we love you. Your identity is beloved son, not performer who earns and loses love.

Sweet boy, I pray that today is just the first of many wonderful birthdays in long life of worshiping Jesus. I praise God that he made you. I thank Jesus that you are my son and that I have spent 366 days knowing you, loving you, discovering you, and being mama to the most darling little man I've ever laid my eyes upon.

Happy birthday, Roger.

Psalm 139

[1] O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
[2] You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
[3] You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
[4] Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
[5] You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
[6] Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
[7] Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
[8] If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
[9] If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
[10] even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
[11] If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
[12] even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
[13] For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
[14] I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
[15] My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
[16] Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
[17] How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
[18] If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
[19] Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
[20] They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
[21] Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
[22] I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
[23] Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
[24] And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

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