When I first moved back to Washington after living in North Carolina for two years Jason and I were set to be married in less than 3 months. My first impression on some of his family wasn't the greatest; the long story short is that I was self-conscious of my weight, so instead of humiliating myself by trying to heft my large mass out of less than sturdy camping chairs I asked Jason to bring me things quite often. I was also nervous, hoping his family would like me, so I came across much more snarky and abrasive than I ever was with Jason one on one. I was trying to be funny, making what I wanted to be playful jabs at Jas in front of everyone to show how much fun we had together, but it just seemed disrespectful and even rude.
Needless to say, soon after the trip concerned people sat Jason down to say that they felt like I didn't respect him because they didn't like how I treated him. Because it seemed like a lack of respect on my part toward my future husband it was offered for him to have an out, to not have to marry me and have a place to stay while he put the pieces of his life back together. Thankfully, Jason married me anyway because he knew that weekend was not representative of how I actually treated him (though, to be sure, I would never say today that I respected him well early in our marriage). Jason now consistently tells me that despite my shortcomings he's never felt more respected in his life than by me.
Bringing all anecdotes full circle, to meet new family last weekend, and to have my first impression on them be that I speak kindly and respectfully toward my husband was such grace from Jesus. I'm sure glad that Jason not only married me and gave me a chance to change and grow but that Jesus, through total grace, has helped me actually change and grow.
|IS there a better bet than love?|
So, then, after that hit-in-the-face moment on our drive back home I told Jason that we're living the dream. No, really. A multi-billion, maybe trillion, dollar industry exists to feed those yearning for a love like ours. No, we're not as sexy as Kate Hudson and Ryan Reynolds (though Jason reminds me of Vince Vaughn and I remind him of Drew Barrymore, so yay us) but we have deep, passionate, comfortable, casual, life-changing, always and forever, growing love. Again, grace upon grace. I can honestly say that every day I'm more in love with Jason than the previous one.
Sunday night, once we were unpacked and settled in (I'm the unpack right away type, or else I can't relax), we watched (for the zillionth...or fifth...time) The Blind Side. I've always already cried 17 times but by the time Chances by Five for Fighting starts playing, with real-life photos of Michael Oher and the Tuohy family, I'm all out sobbing. Just sobbing. But the line that is the title of this post, from said previous song, just stuck in my gut and I simply had to write it all down and put it out there.
And that's that :)