7/14/2011

Motherhood is a Calling


I've waited my whole life for this:
really, truly.
People frequently talk about what they're "called" to do. For some it's simply make as much money as they can to be as comfortable as they can in this life. For others they need to feel something, to lie down at night feeling like it made a difference that they lived the previous 16 waking hours. But most all of us, whether we say we love God or believe that the immaterial is nonexistent, want to believe that what we do is a calling, has purpose, is what we were meant to do.

So, then, two quick things: earlier I was wondering if random people from my past read my blog, women who work and don't have children, and if they think my blog is a boring bunch of baby bull****. Maybe some envy my life, but maybe when they read a status update about my dear boy pooping all over me and peeing all over the wall on facebook they feel quite vindicated in their life path. For the record, I'm not sure who these phantom women are, exactly.

On the other hand, frequently I'll look Roger in the eyes and proclaim to him that it's amazing to me that he's real, because I've waited my whole life for him. And really, I have. If you are a single Christian around older Christians then you've likely had some smarmy, married lady, upon hearing about your desire for a spouse and babies, say, "How do you know you're called to that? What if you're called to singleness?"

Listen, it's not a bad question, but ask the Holy Spirit if it's from him before you ask it! Not every single person yearning for a spouse is doing so because they're being an idolater. Some actually are called to be a wife and mother and while God is good at all phases of life, being in the single phase, or the married but childless phase, is really hard. Both sure were for me. It's not that married with children is easy, by any means, but I'd rather clean my 4-month-old son's poop off my hands and my cheap Old Navy t-shirt and use cloth diapers to make budget while realizing I'm crazy hungry because I forgot to eat again than work in an office in downtown Seattle wearing a never-seen-poop J. Crew blouse while eating a pricey salmon lunch from down on the pier. I don't ever for a second wish this wasn't my life.

I wish sometimes that this as my life was easier, to be sure--I'd love to make so much milk that I leak in public, or that my son would sleep for longer than 30 minutes during the day (please don't tell me how "lucky" I am that he sleeps at night; I don't feel lucky when my son screams at me because he's tired but he refuses to sleep if it's daytime, and, yes, I have tried _______), or to not have to worry about making budget because if we go over then, oh well, guess we dip into savings (as opposed to reality, where going over budget means credit card debt and we avoid that as much as humanly possible).

But, regardless of every difficult part, or how lame some working women might think I am for having days filled with tummy time and diapers and singing worship songs with my son, this isn't just the life I have. It's the life I want, the life I dreamed about as a young girl. My professors in college thought it crazy that someone with my intellectual ability wanted to quit working once I had kids someday, but I knew even then that, for me, there is no greater calling than to raise my son (and hopefully more children, by Jesus' grace) to love and fear God.

Hmm. I didn't exactly mean to write all of that; honestly, I just meant to say, "Oh, hey, here's this great blog post I just read. You should, too!" But, I'm glad that all came out.

And by the way, here's this great blog post I just read! You should, too!

Motherhood is a Calling & Where Your Children Rank

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