Dear Roger: 3 Months

The first ever picture of you.
Dear Roger,

You're three months old today. I can hardly believe that it's only--yet already--been 13 weeks and 1 day since the doctor laid your warm, squirming body on me. Quite literally, my heart has been outside of my chest ever since.

Are you seriously only 3 months old, Rog?
You look like such a little boy already!
Frequently I'll just stare at you, amazed that you came from inside of me. It sounds weird, but I forget that the little creature I was so in love with, the one who wiggled in my belly and tried to crush my ribs, is you. That creature was so intangible; completely loved but also unseen and, thus, in many ways unknown. You're entirely different. I kiss and touch and hug and smell and gaze at you.

So, in honor of you entering your fourth month of life, I want to share a list of things that I adore about you.

  • Your smile. Seriously, my heart skips a beat.

  • The cooing sounds you make when we "chat."

  • How you will stare at yourself in the mirror for 20 minutes.
    (Forever, really, if you didn't get hungry or sleepy)

  • You hate tummy time, yet if I would let you (not yet, sweet boy) you'd sleep on your tum just like your mama.

  • How adorable you are in red!

  • The way you find your fave spot and snuggle into me when I cuddle you. We both know it feels like home.

  • You roll your eyes back in your head and make the world's most contented sigh when I nurse you. Sure, we have to use some formula before bed at night and mama has to pump like a fiend to have a moderately respectable milk supply but you never react to the bottle that way! It makes the hard work of giving you the best food possible all worth it to see your reaction!

  • Though it makes my heart ache when you won't sleep in your bed, holding you while you sleep now and then is pretty much the most wonderful thing ever.

  • Your smell, especially right after a bath. Hello, wonderful.

  • The way your eyes light up and you smile with your entire body when I come get you up from a nap and you see me. Best feeling ever for a mama.

  • Your laugh. I praise Jesus that I am not deaf, because never hearing your laugh would wound my hear near irreparably.

  • Sure, I'm a bit immature, but the fact that you fart so loudly that I hear it from the other side of the apartment and blame your daddy? AWESOME.

  • The way you adore your daddy (but don't really have a favorite between him and me yet).

  • Your curiosity. It makes me a little batty that you seem to think laying down = pay attention to Mama and sitting up = look everywhere BUT Mama, but you sure love figuring out your world and have been that way literally since the day you were born so it's ok with me.

  • Simply that you exist. Seriously, your daddy and I adore you. Words could never explain how deeply, infinitely, immeasurably, unconditionally we love you. Truly, you are God's greatest gift to us and we've treasured every second with you and pray for the good gift of you burying us and releasing us to Jesus when we're old and gray and you're healthy, grown, and in love with Jesus.

I love you, Roger. You're my monkey moose, my groucho cucamongo, my smily mufongo, my silly laughing boy. I think I'll keep you forever :)


Unintentionally artsy pic of our family at
Snoqualmie Falls.

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