3/01/2011

Of These 100 Days: Day 2

For days 9-0 (or, you know, -1 on) I'm doing a separate post each day. Enjoy!

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Day 2 - March 1, 2011

Totally, officially March. You will have to have a March birthday since I'm pretty sure staying in until 44 1/2 weeks is pretty much impossible. Yay :)

Today was a rough day, bud. In part it was rough because I forgot my mouth guard last night for the first time in, literally, like 6 months and woke myself up grinding my teeth at 5 am. I popped it in then, but the damage was done--I had a horrible splitting headache all day today! And then my stomach got all weird, I had this horrible ache in my upper right arm all day, and I had to stop in the middle of a transcription because I was just miserable and rest on the couch for a bit. I was able to crank out the rest of the transcription but then the rest of my day was basically couch and bed bound. I still feel pretty awful. 

I wish I could tell if it's a precursor to labor or just a bad day. I mean, technically, it is a labor precursor because I'm not in labor yet and many of my symptoms are directly related to the fact that my body is ramping up for birth. But is this my body getting ready for you to come in 10 minutes? Ten hours? Ten days? Only Jesus knows. Mostly I still feel totally at peace with you coming whenever it is you come. But something was different today--I don't know if it's because it's finally March or if I just felt awful enough to be ready to move onto the next phase, but for the first time I felt really ready and asked Jesus that you'll come soon. I had been sort of wanting to put it off. It's a grand trifecta of three things--wanting to keep working and doing as much transcription as I can before you came, wanting you to make it to your due date / be as fully developed as possible, and wanting to just enjoy the quiet before you come make life all sorts of different. None of those are me not wanting you here, because I sure do, but it was all me wanting to make the most of pre-you time. 

Also, if I'm really honest, I'm a teensy bit terrified of labor. It's going to hurt! I don't know what to expect and I'm so, so excited to meet you but no matter how you arrive it will hurt and my body never handles pain medication well and hospitals are a hard place to feel cozy... but a home birth simply wouldn't be wise in our situation and so it's ok. I'm at peace that we're doing the right thing, but it doesn't make the prospect of labor and/or possibly a Cesarean and all of that biz any less daunting. I know I'll be fine when it comes and I have my sweet Jesus to lean into and your wonderful daddy will be right there with me, but not having to actually DO any of that yet has been nice :)

Now, though, as I said, there's been a shift. Maybe it's the grace of God preparing me? I don't know. But something in me is ready. Not like, "Get this baby out of me!" mode; I never have felt that way. I hope not to, but if I do, so be it! I'm just ready in the sense that I no longer am glad that it's not here yet. I'm really listening to my body, asking Jesus for wisdom, and praying that if it's His will then you'll come soon. I'm also really ready to meet you. Today I tried to take a nap (sadly, my pounding head did not allow this) and I started imagining holding you, meeting you, loving you, just having you here, and my heart was ready to burst. And I cried tears of joy, just so longing for that first moment when they place you on my chest and I get to meet my son, my beloved Roger Nehemiah, after all this time. I know your daddy feels the same.

So, dear boy, we rejoice in Jesus' timing. But feel free to come any moment now.

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