3/08/2011

Of These 100+ Days: Bonus Day 5

We're in the bonus! Since I'm sure Roger will be a sports enthusiast ala his parents, we're in overtime :) Doing a separate post for each day still since it likely won't get much past 6-7 days if we listen to my doctor (and we are). Enjoy!

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 Day +5 - March 8, 2011

Mama cried again today, Rog. But not out of self-pity or pain or being overwhelmed with sadness and strain. 

Nope.

Today I cried because it just hit me--I am so, so very close to finally meeting you, my son. I felt you moving around inside of me, and tried to envision what it is I'm feeling. Is that a little elbow? Are those fluttery movements your hands? I can definitely feel your little bum at the very top of my uterus, pressing hard against my stretching skin. Is that your chubby (so, so cute, love!) thigh I feel shifting around? Are those knees or feet thumping against my side? 

And somehow that translated into realizing that soon enough I'll be able to see you face to face. There will be no question about whether or not that's your little hand squeezing my finger. I'll know that it's your soft little belly that I'm kissing and not wonder if it's your side or back. I'll get to smell you and behold your little face and see what parts of you look like daddy and what parts look like me. Best of all, I'll get to know you. It's pretty hard to discern personality when it's squirmy body parts in my belly. But once you're born every day will show us a little bit more and more of who God knit together in this womb you're currently encased in. 

The odd thing is, I used to daydream about all of that. Early on I wrote about wondering what you'd look like, smell like, feel like in my arms, be like, etc. You'd think that the closer I get to meeting you, the more palpable that would be, like I could taste it. But for some reason in the last few weeks I've sort of forgotten about that part somehow. Like, the ache to meet you is so heavy it literally feels like it weighs me down, yet somehow I've lost sight that the prize at the end of enduring this race is finally getting to hold you and know you, son!

I've had incidents recently of trying to imagine that transcendent moment when they place you on my chest for the first time, but seriously, it's insane that somehow I've forgotten that meeting and knowing you is what happens at the end of all of this. Today, though, that changed because Jesus gave me the sweet gift of remembering that no matter how hard this is, not only is He with me, but He has given me you, Rog-podge. 

You're my boy. You are my son. Your daddy and I talked today about how excited we are to meet you, just awestruck that, Lord willing, in 48 hours or so, hopefully less, you'll be in our arms. Our Facebook accounts will be flooded with pictures but that won't even touch on the way holding you, our beloved boy, will be flooding our hearts. And I'm really excited now! I know it's cheating, knowing that an induction is 33 hours and 43 minutes away. But so soon I'll get to meet you, Roger, and all of these aches and pains and the mental and emotional anguish and all of it will realize it's ultimate purpose--Roger Nehemiah Hagglund coming into the world. 

Praise Jesus! It doesn't mean things aren't still hard, but I can endure one more day :) And if you shock us and decide that you don't feel like waiting until Thursday at 7:30 am, that's cool. I love and adore you, beloved son, and your daddy and I are so, so, so excited to meet you!! For real!!

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