3/07/2011

Of These 100+ Days: Bonus Day 4

We're in the bonus! Since I'm sure Roger will be a sports enthusiast ala his parents, we're in overtime :) Doing a separate post for each day still since it likely won't get much past 6-7 days if we listen to my doctor (and we are). Enjoy!

***

 Day +4 - March 7, 2011

Things don't feel so
"bonus"y anymore, but
we'll keep rolling with it.
Well, sweet son, whether it's my body, yours, simply Jesus' will, or the working together of all three, you don't appear to be coming on your own. Despite my 8 hours of walking over the weekend and my hip circles and bouncing on an exercise ball you haven't dropped any lower at all. Additionally, despite mega cramping all weekend that's supposed to signify cervix-getting-ready business I am still 50% and between 2.5 and 3cm dilated. Basically...not much changed in the last 4 days. Things could kick into high gear without warning between now and then, but we have an induction scheduled for 7:30 am on Thursday.

It's just been rough. Honestly, I'm not sure what it is--my doctor did say that all of that walking pretty much just served the purpose of over-extending me and wearing me out--but I'm just having a really rough day. For one, I got sick last night and threw up so violently that I pulled something in my neck that made me have the worst headache all day. I woke up feeling just horrible. Then, I was using Listerine after brushing my teeth and I seriously don't know what happened but I choked on it, coughed so much that I threw up, and my poor throat was so, so raw. I don't ever recommend choking on Listerine--talk about burning! But then, I was sewing my body pillow because the seam at the end came off and the stuffing is coming out and that thing plus Unisom is the only way I can sleep. Anyway, I apparently took an odd breath that aggravated my raw throat and somehow that caused me to jab the needle deep into my thumb. 

I won't lie to you, baby boy--your mama just lost it. I just cried and cried. I told Jesus I can't do this and I'm just completely and utterly overwhelmed. And then when I took a nap the cramping pains were so severe that I cried some more. I want to be happy and joyful and full of peace but I hurt and I can barely move and I feel utterly overwhelmed. So much of it is hormonal, and then when you add in the emotional strain and the physical burden it's a lot to bear. Jesus was so sweet to me and gave me a good nap. It's just hard because I feel not myself and pretty much can only endure, be real with Jesus and others about it, and not add to the burden by trying to pretend I'm not in a really, really rough place right now.

Plus, we learned at the OB appointment that while we can all hope and really try for a vaginal birth there's a very, very high chance that I'll have a Cesarean. And honestly, while that's ok--really truly--it's just all weighing so heavy on me. I know you'll be here soon. I know this is all worth it. I know we now have a definite light at the end of the tunnel. I know that, praise Jesus, all I need to do is set up camp on the couch for the next two days (Daddy won't let me do anything else, but that's wise leadership on his part) and enjoy the peace and quiet before you get here. I wish things being so hard weren't part of this story, but I'll never fake it and lie to you, so this is reality. Being real is good :)

I adore you and can't wait to meet you, and praise Jesus, our OB commented many times that by every possible measurable account at this point you are a very healthy, healthy baby. So that's today. Lord willing, sometime Thursday we'll have you, our precious boy, in our arms. And, you know, on the bright side, at least you'll come so close to spring forward (which your mama HATES with a burning passion and thinks is so stupid!) that we'll hardly even notice it this year :) Plus, if you do come Thursday, your first birthday will be on a Saturday next year (leap year!) and that's pretty cool. So there are some good positives in all of this :)

For now, I'm going to finish sewing my pillow and spend some time with your daddy. We love you so much, Roger, and really, truly, our biggest desire is to hold your healthy, squirrelly monkey moose self in our arms.

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