For days 9-0 (or, you know, -1 on, though I so doubt Roger will go past due since he's been so huge!) I'm doing a separate post each day. Enjoy!
Day 5 - February 26, 2011
So many good things came from the day. My heart can hardly contain them all, though I took notes of the highlights on my phone and e-mailed it to myself and hopefully I'll have time to ponder things over this next week-ish while we wait for you. I do know that I was reminded of what a sweet, precious, and hard call it is to be a mother. I've not begun to experience the full gamut and depths of selflessness required to be a godly mother. I have a feeling that there will be days in my future when not whining about the pain of a baby in my ribs or the horrible discomfort of extreme pelvic pressure and pain would feel like a joy compared to my current circumstance in that moment.
I loved what Jani Ortlund said, and I pray it will stay tucked away in my heart: "Motherhood is costly, but anything of worth is." It will cost... well, everything. I started to type out a list but then I realized it would be endless. True gospel motherhood requires absolute surrender to Jesus and worshiping Him by loving and serving you and, Lord willing, your siblings. This is not to mention my calling first as a disciple of Jesus, then as a wife, and after you and your siblings, to our Christian brothers and sisters and those around us whom I am to serve and tell about Jesus because they don't know Him.
This is tough stuff, buddy. Good, but tough. I was just telling your daddy yesterday how I didn't feel like making a nutritious lunch the other day, so after putting off eating for an hour longer than I should have I ended up eating Pringles and cake. I sure can't do that with you when it's time for your lunch! I need to prepare you healthy, nutritious meals. I should be doing that for myself, too, but don't you see how motherhood requires a death to self, a self that I cannot afford indulge because it's you I am putting at risk? There is joy to be had in that, but I could put myself under the law and make it a miserable burden. I don't want to do that. I want to worship Jesus, serve you, and embrace the gospel--on my own, I can do nothing. What performance I can muster only leads to emptiness and misery. But in Christ--our sweet, precious, gave His life for us Jesus, dear son--in Christ, empowered by the Holy Spirit, I can love and serve you because He first loved and served me.
So these things I learned this day I pray will remain in my heart. Like Mary, I pray that I would tuck them away, pondering them and treasuring them. I learned a lot about being a godly wife, too, and had sweet conversations with your daddy. I'll have to tell you about some of those snippets on another day because for now I am one tired mama!
I love you, son! I'm still hoping you hold out for at least Tuesday, but I'll end with this--our dear friend Kati, who was 8 days ahead of me this entire pregnancy, gave birth to a beautiful baby girl about 22 hours ago. Proud daddy Matt posted pictures of his new daughter on Facebook and I totally started crying, because the reality that you will soon be here and it will be us posting your picture and getting 500 comments on our walls just flooded over me. I'm excited. Patient, but excited. Only 4 more days until your due date, but Jesus knows when I'll finally snuggle your wonderful self in my eagerly anticipating arms! Soon, my squirrelly little monkey who is determined at this moment to punch my bladder until I pee myself, soon.