Of These 100 Days: Days 39-30

This is a countdown post that I'll be updating daily with a highlight. I know that few babies ever come on their due date, but it's fun to pretend :) It's going to be written to him because that's just how I roll. Plus it's more adorable that way :) Enjoy checking in once a day!

Day 30 - February 1, 2011
Ok, love, you have a very tired mama who has a lot of transcription work to jump on first thing tomorrow morning. I'm going to do my best to achieve brevity!

First, your mini crib (which will be your bed for the first 3 or so months until our good friends the Anderson's are ready to move the twins into toddler beds and pass along a crib to you!) and car seat came today. There's just something about handling items that you will spend so much time in that makes everything feel so much more real! I'm excited to get the car seat installed and professionally inspected next week, so don't come before then, ok?

Secondly, tonight your daddy and I were able to try out what we hoped would be our new community group for the first time. It went amazingly well and we were so blessed to find that it felt like home. It's always a little awkward being the newbies in a group of people who know one another really well, especially when we had such tight knit community in our Ballard group and were so deeply known / knew them, but for being the new couple things went rather smoothly. That just blessed your mama's heart. For one, though we weren't testing Him, it's grace that Jesus proved Himself faithful to put us in community here in our new home. Secondly, though none of them were there tonight (many sick kids and such) there are a few moms with young kids. That will not only be an invaluable resource for me but those kids will likely be some of your very first friends, Rog! How amazing to think that. 

Now, though, I have to get into bed. If needing to be up and working in 8-ish hours weren't enough, you don't like me sitting in this desk chair very much and you are digging your little feet into the right side of my ribcage like nobody's business! It really, really hurts! I'm hoping that if I go position myself on my left side in bed you'll chill out a bit.

So, bud, tomorrow is 29 days, and if your mama's instincts are right, it's less than that! I can't wait to meet you, my crazy little wigglesome monkey!

Day 31 - January 31, 2011
Roger, what a great God we serve! Yesterday I washed all of your 0-6 month clothes to put them away and be ready for you get here. I had a little bit of a panic attack moment when I realized that we're fairly well set for 0-3 months, but then we have very little beyond that. We have some of the bigger sizes, but almost all of our clothes are that smallest size and since you're such a big boy I would be shocked if they fit you for more than about the first month. 

With that, daddy and I ran some tough numbers. He's quitting UPS to honor God and honor you, but we're losing his paycheck and his incredible insurance benefits. The problem is that the benefits at his other job are pretty, well, icky. Not only are we giving up $1,000 in income but we're adding about $600 a month in cost to pay for insurance, PLUS we have to pay 80% of all medical bills up to a $3,000 deductible each year. It makes your mama want to cry. But even worse would be your daddy never seeing you, never being home, because he works 90 hours a week. 

The deal is, though, that it's going to be rough. The money is just going to be really tight and we'll have to work really hard, both on staying on budget and working on transcription files to make ends meet. It's scary! Jesus has shown me I'm afraid that my Father isn't good, that He won't provide. I fear that something bad will happen and we won't be able to pay our bills. But, better than just showing me my sinful fear that God isn't good and trustworthy, the Holy Spirit has shown me that God is good, He's going to provide for us, and better than just having lots of money I get to consistently turn to Jesus and confess my desperate need to find joy, peace, rest, and comfort in Him. 

Something your daddy and I have been discussing is this: would we rather have God give us what we want (be it circumstantial changes like his job getting better benefits, or just providing lots of money, or something like taking away a sin struggle we struggle with, such as fear, etc) or would we rather know and be known by God even if it means we still struggle and possibly never get what we want? Though it's hard and it's been very painful to see my sin and grapple with the fear, I confess that my deepest desire is to be known by God. I know He's good, He's worthy of my trust and praise, and I want to worship and honor Him.

SO--cool story! I was feeling a little stressed about our tiny forecast of the "Roger" budget which will include everything we need to buy for you, including clothes. I even went to our church's social networking site and put up an ad asking if anyone has some to pass on. Well guess what? Today I checked our mail and we had a package from a sweet, Jesus loving friend from my college days chock full of baby boy clothes, all 6 months and beyond! It was such a huge blessing and just made me cry. I know God is good, and He didn't have to provide for us in such a tangible way, but what grace that He did. 

I love and adore you and am honored that Jesus is continuing to pursue me, because I want you to grow up seeing a living and active faith in me, a repentant heart that joyfully confesses my desperate need of Jesus. I want you to know Jesus for the good God He is and I pray that my willingness to be honest and admit my sin and then turn from it toward Jesus will foster a deep love for Him in your heart. 

This is long so I'm going to hush up soon. I will end with this--you were sleeping ALL day today and I'm not used to you staying still for such a long time. I finally did a test where I drank some orange juice and relaxed on my back on the couch for a bit, poking at my belly, until you finally woke up and moved around some. It was scary, sweet darling. I adore you so much and the reality that something could happen to you and I might lose you to death just broke my heart. I'm totally and completely in love with you, my son. I asked Jesus for the good gift, once again, of you far outliving me and that your daddy and I will never have to bury a child. But it was a stark and bittersweet moment, realizing how deep my love for you is and already how the ache of losing you is a pain I can't imagine and pray I never know. 

I love you, Roger, and so look forward to being your mama, I pray, for a long, long time. Just barely a month to go at most, sweet son!

Days 34-32 - January 28-30, 2011
So, mama messed up--I forgot to write to you on Friday and Saturday and now I sure can't remember the big moments. I'm so sorry! But I do know this--our home is completely unpacked! That's how I spent most of all three days. The master bath is crazy organized, your room is totally ready, every closet and drawer is exactly how I want it (including the office--yay!)--seriously, not a nook or cranny isn't totally organized. It's the most amazing feeling ever!

Today at church I was thinking about you. I saw a little girl, about 2 years old, being held by her daddy, and it just renewed the desire in my heart to see, hold, touch, and know you. I love feeling you in my belly--it's amazing. But I want to look at you! I want to make silly faces that make you laugh! I want to see what your face looks like, how your eyes light up when you see your daddy or me, what your hair will look like (I envision it dark, thick, and wavy), how it will feel to smell, hug, and snuggle you...I'm really excited to know you. I want you to stay inside of me and keep growing (though I wish you'd slow down a little!) but I'm looking forward to you being here. 

Sometimes when your daddy and I are just doing the most random thing, such as standing in line at Costco like we were Friday night, it will hit me that soon you'll be with us and everything will change. We'll go from being a couple, just us, to a family. You will come and make us a family and it will just change everything in the most wonderful way. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it. It will take time, patience, prayer, hard work, constant repentance, loss of sleep, lots of money, discipline, and so much more. But monkey, it will be so good. I'm so in love with you and honored to be your mama. For now I need to go get some work done, but no matter how many days are left between now and then, not only is this home ready for you but my heart is more than ready. 

I love you, Roger.

Day 35 - January 27, 2011
Oh, monkey. I'm so tired that my brain is barely functioning. Today after working on a transcription file your daddy came by and I did major shopping. Not necessarily in spending tons of money, because I'm a bargain hunter, but I was out and about hunting for items for five LOOONG hours. They were good hours, and I found everything we needed and got some great deals, but oy vey! My body is not happy with me right now!

Today was a good day, though. It marks 35 weeks of pregnancy. Can you believe that? Thirty. Five. Weeks. I'm quite positive that you won't be late, so that means that you'll be here in a maximum of five weeks. It's crazy town, bud. But man alive, I cannot wait to meet you! Today while out and about I decided I didn't care what other drivers thought and I just talked to you about what we were doing. I didn't do it in stores, because there are healthy boundaries in life, but I realized that someday we'll be out and about doing stuff together! I saw mamas walking their babies and I was just so excited for when you and I get to do that. 

Speaking of, today we made some major purchases. We ordered the bassinet that will be your bed for the first few months, and then your play pen later, your car seat, and the glider where you and I will spend many, many hours feeding you. It made things feel that much more real; I can't imagine how real it's going to be when those things arrive and are in place! Eek! For now, though, my crazy hiccuping monkey moose (I've got to believe that having the hiccups this often means you are developing mega-healthy lungs!), this tired mama needs some sleep. I love you so much, Roger.

Day 36 - January 26, 2011
Today was one of those days where I feel like it flew by but I also got so much done! Not only did I get a little money makin' in and do a transcription file but I did TONS of unpacking! Our dining room is 100% done, the kitchen is oh-so-close (I just need to organize the utility, or "junk" drawer), the living room basically just needs wall hangings, tons of laundry is done, and the only big projects left are the master bathroom, organizing the office "stuff", and then your room. I think this is the fastest we've ever unpacked a place, because we're really unpacking and not just shoving things to "do later" that we never get to. Our hope is that this will be our home for a few years or more so we're unpacking like we'll be here for a long time.

I know this isn't a day filled with emotionally moving stuff, but I will tell you this--knowing you are on your way just changes everything! As I unpack a room, where I put each item, the placement of things, is all done with you in mind. I think about you and how you'll interact with things. I want to ensure you are safe and that I'm doing all I can to make our home a place that accommodates you. I just love you so much, Roger! I'm excited to meet you, to know you and love you. In so many ways I'm ready, though I'm also very cognizant that these next 36 or so days are precious because you coming will change everything. I know that while it's wonderful and sweet, new motherhood is trying and difficult. Things will change between your daddy and I, and I realized tonight while cleaning the kitchen counters that having time to even do that might be difficult! 

But know this, sweet son--you are so worth it! I treasure these moments, to be sure, but I'm so, so excited for you to be born and to be your mama. So today was a really good day, because our home is that much closer to bringing you into it. I realized today that it will be your first home, the first place you ever live in your entire life. How cool is that? I am so thankful for home :) But now I need to stop gushing and get some sleep so we can enjoy day 36 tomorrow!

Day 37 - January 25, 2011

This was a great getting ready for you day, Rog! Your daddy and I had an ultrasound in which we found out you're still measuring in the 90th percentile and your estimated weight is over 7 pounds. You gained almost 4 pounds in 4 weeks! Crazy town! You're supposed to gain a pound a week in the last few weeks, but not all through weeks 31 and on! We'll talk to our doctor late next week but I'm still praying that we'll be able to wait for you to come naturally and that I'll rest Jesus' will for how and when you will arrive.

After our appointments and having a delicious burger, we took a newborn care class. I knew a good bit of the information, but it was encouraging to realize that I'm getting decently prepared. Your daddy was pretty great, too. Oh, bud, I just am so excited to see him be your daddy. He's just... he is the best! I adore him, and seeing him be excited to meet you and practicing swaddling and putting on clothes and diapers and how to hold you was just the most endearing thing ever. Watching your daddy get ready for you makes me feel like I'm falling in love with him all over again, because I'm falling in love with a different aspect of him--I know him as a husband, a best friend, a protector, a pastor, a lover, etc., but I've never known him as a daddy. It's amazing!

Enough gushing--your mama needs to sleep, apparently so you can keep growing huge! I love you so much, Roger, and no matter when you come or how, I just pray you are healthy and that I will be the best and most godly mama possible. I adore you, baby boy!

Day 38 - January 24, 2011
Whew! Another marathon day, monkey moose! But the good news is that, thanks to your daddy and since I put in a loooong day of unpacking, our home is about 85% unpacked. We (ok, mainly your rock star daddy) even got all books unpacked, organized onto bookshelves, and then the stuff that we don't have room for (we need a real library someday!) is already packed for storage. Yay! Now, the kitchen just needs the utility drawer organized, the master bath needs unpacked (we've pulled out essentials but it's still in boxes), the games / utility closet needs organized, and then I can focus on your room! Your room, praise Jesus, only has a few random boxes of things like framed pictures that I need to address. I was a little concerned that it would be stuffed with "we'll do that later" boxes until you are 3 months old but that's not going to happen--yay! And we realized that we need to order your glider from good ol' Costco this weekend. Oh son, I love me some Costco! And I'm really excited about the glider because it will be uber cozy for you and I to spend many long hours feeding you :)

Also, after some admitted slackery, Daddy read to you from your Jesus Storybook Bible and you were going crazy town in my belly! You must really think King David's choosing by God via Samuel is a cool story. Well, and we all know how much you love it when you hear your daddy's voice :) We look forward to the days when we can actually hold you and see your face when he reads the Bible to you!

For now, though, your tired mama should bid you adieu. I love you, Roger, and am getting really excited to meet you as the days tick down! 

Day 39 - January 23, 2011
Much of today is directly affected to something I chose not to write about yesterday. Last night your daddy and I ran out to grab some dinner, as our kitchen was so full of boxes that we couldn't find anything! Just before leaving I started a load of laundry and I was so excited! After 20 months of not having in-unit laundry, it felt SO good to be able to just toss some laundry in and go about our lives! 

We were only gone for about 15 minutes, but we returned home to find a horrid, horrid mess--the washing machine never stopped filling and so there was a massive flood throughout a good third of our apartment. There were 2" of standing water in most places. We immediately began paging the 24 hour emergency maintenance person, but for 2 1/2 hours we had no response so the water slowly spread further and further out. We were moving boxes to be sure that nothing was touched and it was hectic and crazy! 

You want to hear the miracle? Nothing was ruined! We just happened to not have anything on the floor where the flooding happened, or the things touched were in plastic tubs. It was amazing! We were up VERY late, though, since the emergency carpet service didn't show up until almost midnight. Then we were left with 4 huge industrial fans and 2 huge industrial dehumidifiers that made good sleep hard to come by. After so little sleep Friday and working so hard all day Friday and yesterday we were exhausted

We let ourselves sleep until we woke up today, and then we had to wait for the maintenance man to fix our washer so we missed church. We did hear the sermon at Ballard last week, though, and are very excited to go to Bellevue next week! And we got a decent bit of unpacking done this evening, so it's been a decent day overall :) Mainly, I'm just ready for some good sleep and hopefully I'll have more energy to keep unpacking tomorrow! Nothing too deep today, Rog, other than I absolutely love and adore you. And yay that we're in the 30s!

1 comment:

  1. Oh Tami, I'm so glad it blessed you! I well remember being in your shoes before Rilla was born and wondering how much our extra costs would be as we added a new little one to our family. Clothes especially seemed daunting. But here is what I've learned: there are a LOT of baby clothes in the world, and there are a LOT of Christian people with babies just a little older than yours who will be more than willing to share their bounty with you. Really. We have hardly bought any clothes for our children, and most of the clothes that I have bought have been unnecessary. God is crazy good at providing baby clothes. Seriously, count on not having to buy any clothes for at least two years (can't vouch beyond that because that's as far as we've gotten yet).

    You mentioned that you are adding $600 per month to pay for insurance. I know things may be different for your situation but we have been very blessed by going through a Christian healthshare organization. If you haven't looked into those, you may want to do so. We were with Christian Healthcare Ministries when I was pregnant with Abraham, and they paid for all but $300 of his birth costs (and it was a homebirth, at that). We will probably go with a different one next time... I forget which one right now, but I weighed out all the costs... but the benefit is that you can have coverage for a family of 4+ for under $280. It covers big stuff - above $250, $500, or $1000, depending on the plan you go with - but not the little stuff. It works well for us because we don't really go to the doctor for little things anyway. I don't know if it would work for you guys but it has worked well for us and it is what we will continue to use in the future. It's allowable under Obama's health plans but because it is all Christians sharing the costs, your money not only goes to other Christians in need, but it doesn't go to unbiblical practices like abortion.

    Just a thought. God has really provided for us since our children were born and since we made the commitment for me to be at home with them. I know He will bless you and sustain you as you guys walk forward in His plan for you.

    "He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us." -- 2 Corinthians 1:10

    Okay, one last thought. One of the best things about being a mama is God's gentle leading. Isaiah says that "He gently leads those who have young" and wow, is it ever true!! God has led me so GENTLY since becoming a mommy and as I have learned to navigate so many important concepts by His grace. The God who has been so faithful in all the years prior to this will continue to be faithful, and you may find Him even more gentle than ever.

    I am so excited for you to get to be a mama. You will love it.

    God bless you, sister.