Of These 100 Days: Days 69-60

This is a countdown post that I'll be updating daily with a highlight. I know that few babies ever come on their due date, but it's fun to pretend :) It's going to be written to him because that's just how I roll. Plus it's more adorable that way :) Enjoy checking in once a day!

Day 60 - January 2, 2011
Today, Roger, I have only one thing to say:

I adore you. Daddy adores you. We very much look forward to meeting you and pray we get to raise you for a long life filled with Jesus and that you bury us someday when we're old and gray and go to be with the Jesus we loved your whole life. It's a good gift and I ask Him for that.

Well, okay, and there's a second thing--good-bye, 60s! Fifties, here we come!

Day 61 - January 1, 2011
Sweet Roger, I love you, but I really look forward to not being pregnant anymore! I get why so many women hate it. I still love pregnancy in that I love you, and I love feeling you inside of me. I can feel your butt up at the top of my uterus (you're burying your face into my spine with your head down, which we'll get to later) and it's pretty much the cutest thing ever. And as I've said many times, just feeling you move, knowing that you're my baby and my body is helping nourish and grow you, is so miraculous. I love that! I'm sure I'll miss it even when I do get to hold and snuggle you.

That said, sweetness, this third trimester business is rough on your mama. I'm utterly exhausted ALL OF THE TIME. I have no idea how I'm going to get this place packed and ready to move in the next three weeks, not to mention all of the craziness that is on our calendar between now and then (dinners and concerts and helping other people move and birth center tours and parenting and breastfeeding classes and trying to say good-bye to friends, oh my!). Then there's my normal work and running a home and such, and just standing up to go to the bathroom makes me so tired that I put it off for an extra few minutes each time!! Oy. 

Your daddy was super worried today because for the second day in a row a simple, fairly short shopping trip entailed me shaking violently, so dizzy that we thought I might faint, unable to get food in me quickly enough (and I was responsible and ate and had snacks and everything!). I went from hot flashes to cold sweats to being so pale and white that Daddy was about ready to call the doctor. Oh, and without warning, I now apparently get carsick if we go over 30 mph. Lovely. 

Up there with the badness is constant, horrible back pain. Right now I want to cry, it hurts that bad. And it's not my normal back pain from previous injuries. This is up higher, where your face is buried in my spine, literally. It's some crazy sciatica. Daddy tries to help with back rubs but it's just excruciating. Again, oy. 

So, my dear, while I adore you, I definitely look forward to not being pregnant anymore. For one, you'll be here, and that will be fantastic. Also nice will be ditching these not-so-fantastic pregnancy side effects. But I'm not whining--it's all worth it, and I get to turn to Jesus. He's faithful to comfort me. Doesn't make it easy, though He's gracious to remind me that it's ok to look forward to the end of these 61 days!

Day 62 - December 31, 2010 
Welp, today was the last day of 2010. And mark my words, Rog, it's the last year people will regularly say two thousand _____ instead of twenty ____. Sure, it's two thousand eleven now, but people will say twenty eleven. At least, that's what I think. 

In other news, a lovely part of pregnancy is odd congestion. As a result, it frequently feels in my left ear like it needs to pop, like when you're driving over Snoqualmie pass. Boo. 

So, the last day of two thousand ten was fairly uneventful. Mama slept until 1 pm because daddy started waking her up around 9 am. Silly daddy. Our big doings were a trip to check out what will soon be "our" Costco in Issaquah with a little tour of the quaint downtown area. It was a fun little trip :) Mama was VERY quickly worn out, though. 

We came home, chilled out on the couch (well, mama did, while reading a book about how to help you develop good sleep habits. Daddy played his new baseball game on the Wii as part of our ploy to make sure he'd still be awake at midnight), and then we ate some amazing wings from Costco, watched Friends, paused to watch commentators in Seattle at the Space Needle say that you really haven't lived unless you've been at Times Square to ring in the New Year (flattering to our dear city, no?) and then see the big fireworks show they did. 'Twas lovely. Now daddy is asleep on the couch while mama watches more Friends and writes to you. 

Are we dull? Maybe. But for us it was the perfect night. We decided that we wanted to spend our last New Year's chilling, just the two of us. We realized that 2011 will change everything. We won't be living in Seattle anymore, and you're going to be here. We'll probably have completely new friends, we'll be at a new campus surrounded by totally different everything and everyone (not to mention we'll have to get used to seeing Pastor Mark on video instead of live, even though mama will have transcribed his sermon the week before, unless my job changes), plus who knows the other changes Jesus has that we can't see. 

I can't lie, though, my lovely boy--my favorite part of it all is you. I'm getting excited to meet you. I'm still praying that you come out in Jesus' timing, preferably pretty darn close to 62 days from now, but I've pretty much been preparing my entire lifetime to be your mama and I sure look forward to meeting you. I adore you more than anything words could ever attempt to express. Sometimes I try to write it here, but I just end up redundantly saying I love you a lot. It's something I don't think I'll ever be able to say perfectly, but I know you get it. You'll feel it. I'll tell you how much I love you a million times a day every day, to be sure, but those words will never match the way I feel for you. You're my son, my sweet baby boy, my first pregnancy, my first child, the amazing result of how much I love your daddy. It's incredible. Simply incredible. And now you're squirming around and it looks like some alien is trying to burst out of my tum. That's grand :)

Anyway, this is a long one, Roger. Nonetheless, I praise Jesus for two thousand ten. I trust Him that twenty eleven is going to be even greater and, as always, I sure look forward to meeting you. Love you, my Mega MiniMoose.

Day 63 - December 30, 2010
Well hello my darling boy! Daddy and I got to see you in an ultrasound today and it was just as wonderful as ever. I literally get a little breathless every time I see you. I just love seeing you, sweet boy! I can hardly wait to hold you in my arms, beholding your sweet face and kissing and snuggling you. I'm going to miss feeling you inside of me but I'm so excited to meet you face to face!

You were still a big boy. At the last two ultrasounds you measured 9 and then 10 days ahead, and then today you measured 15 days ahead. Oy! I knew you would be large, but you're a REALLY big boy! The average ultrasound can be off a fair percentage, but you regularly measure ahead and your daddy was 12 pounds, so I know you are big! Today you measured at 4 pounds 8 ounces. Ha! Four and a half pounds with 9 weeks to go is crazy town! You're supposed to be 3 pounds 5 ounces or so, which makes you a good 30% bigger than normal. But there are benefits to big babies! Generally you big ones tend to breastfeed better (and feed better in general), sleep better, be less likely to have colic, etc, so that's happy :)

Most of all, sweetness, the best news is that you still look very healthy. Daddy says all of his dreams are coming true, and jokes that your future NFL career as an offensive lineman is his retirement plan. He's kidding, but we do hope that you get to enjoy the body and form that Jesus is knitting together in my womb. If that's a big athletic body then praise Jesus! But no matter what, my love, you'll be very tall. That's just the way your genetics are :) Mama needs to sleep now, but I love you, Roger! I hope I don't meet you for at least 60 days, but we shall see!

Day 64 - December 29, 2010
I know this comes up over and over, but since it's there I need to address it. I read today about someone whose baby was stillborn at 34 weeks, and then about someone else whose baby died of SIDS at 18 months. I cried, and was reconfronted with the fear that you might die. Just because your chances of survival at this point (31 weeks tomorrow!) are 90%, that doesn't give me certainty that I'll not lose you. And even though most SIDS deaths occur by 4 months I can't put my hope on day 1 of month 5. I have to continually keep on giving you back to Jesus, over and over and over again. 

I just love you so much, Roger. Every time I feel you move, it's a miracle. I still get excited and tell daddy to feel you every time, though it happens tons every day. When you move I rub my belly and talk to you. I tell you how much I love you, just chat with you about what I'm doing and what's going on. I adore you. You're my baby boy, and I wanted you for a long, long time. No more tears are shed over aching for a baby, longing to become a mama, because you are here. You are inside of me, growing and developing. You're my baby! My sweet, kicking, squirming, soon to be alive and breathing baby!

I love you, Roger, and I ask Jesus for the good gift of a long and healthy life filled with worshiping Him. I can't bear the thought of anything happening to you, but when the fear grips my heart and I ache over others' losses, I turn to Jesus. He is good and worthy of my trust. I trust Him with you, sweet son. I'll have to keep making this decision every day for your entire life, to offer you up to Jesus, but I'm so thankful that I know Him and I can. I can't imagine dealing with fears like this and not being able to cry out to Him! But I can, I do, and by His grace I will continue to. 

Lord willing, 64 or so days until you are alive and snuggling in my arms, Rog. I long for that day but pray you keep growing and getting ready for life out here until then. Love you, baby boy.

Day 65 - December 28, 2010
Today was a little silly, but I'll tell you. I told your daddy that I needed to go broil some salmon, because I need my omega-3's so you'll have a smart brain. Daddy said he loves kids with smart brains, and I said I do, too, and that if our kids are stupid then I'm trading them in!

We both had a good laugh, but we were just joking. We pray you'll have a heart that loves learning, but even more than that we pray that you'll worship Jesus with how you steward your mind. It's not about grades, degrees, or accolades; you belong to Jesus and we pray you'll worship him. That's what matters! I do hope that my insistence on getting those healthy omega-3 fats in me does help your little brain develop well, sweet boy :) Looking forward to meeting you and watching your little mind develop!

Day 66 - December 27, 2010
Sometimes your mama isn't very smart. Today I stubbornly refused to take a break and tried to power through a transcription just so I could be done. It was stupid, and I'm still paying the price for it. My back aches, my lower abdomen aches, and my round ligament HATES me. Blurg. It's a reminder that once you get here I can't just do things I want to do when I want to do them. I have to learn to let things not get done, or not get done in the time / fashion I would prefer. That will be hard for me! I'm very much a do it all at once and be done kind of person, not a spread it out over time with many breaks kind of person. I'd rather bust my tail hard core for 2 hours and then have time off than do things at a healthier pace and pause as necessary over 3-4 hours. Something tells me you just aren't going to allow that, my dear boy!

I pray that I'll lean on Jesus to be patient, and that out of worshiping Him I'll put your needs above my methods. I pray that I'll embrace both the woman Jesus created me to be in balance with the adjustments necessary to be a good, godly mama to you. Most of all, I pray that when everything seems frustrating and annoying and out of control that I'll take a step back, let my heart rest in Jesus, and that you'll see me model what it looks like to cleave to Him. I'm desperate for Him, Roger, and so are you. I pray that the way I love and trust Him would be the clearest picture of the gospel that you get to experience as you grow up. 

Love you, sweet boy. Only 65 or so more days!

Day 67 - December 26, 2010
You have the most amazing daddy in the world, Roger. After being super active on yesterday (and pretty much every other day that ends in "y"), you weren't moving much today. I wasn't freaking out, but I was concerned and did the trick of drinking something and then resting on my back to see if you started moving. Your daddy knew I was concerned and he came over, prayed to Jesus both for my heart and recommitting together that you belong to Jesus and your health is always in His hands and that we trust in His will. He kissed my belly and talked to you a little and guess what? You woke right up, gave a few kicks to let us know all was well, and went back to sleep. I know you're probably just entering a growth spurt, but it was sweet the way you responded both to your daddy's prayers and to his voice. I can tell you love him already, because you respond to his voice a lot!

Glad you're okay, though, and I hope you are doing well in there little guy. Looking forward to the end of these 67 days, my little monkey-moose!

Day 68 - December 25, 2010
Merry (sort-of first) Christmas, Rog! You had a good one, because you were moving and fluttering around lots and lots. We spent most of the day at Auntie Shell and Uncle Steve's house, and it was wonderful. We had lots of family, delicious food, and lots of fun. They had a new Kinect (which I'm sure will seem like old-school technology to you in the next few years, but it's pretty cool stuff right now!) and that was super fun! It was just a lovely day. 

Similar to last night, though, I couldn't help but wonder what next Christmas will be like. Lord willing, we'll have a happy, healthy, smiley you that everyone is cooing over and playing with and snuggling! Daddy and I joked about how next year will be easy, because we'll just have to be sure your toys come in really great boxes :) You'll be almost 10 months old, which is a really fun age! Oh, Roger! I just get so excited thinking about you, what you'll be like, what your laugh will sound like, what it will feel like to kiss you and hug you and smell you... I love that you're staying inside of Mama and growing, but I sure look forward to when I'm no longer counting down anything because you're here! For now, though, this tired mamasan needs some sleep! Love you, Rog!

Day 69 - December 24, 2010
This was such a lovely Christmas Eve! Daddy only had to work at UPS, so he came home and while Mama was still sleeping he scrubbed clean the kitchen and wrote a series of notes around our home for Mama to find. They included scriptures from Proverbs 31, and then sweet words from Daddy saying how much he loves and appreciates Mama. The sweetest part was that he said he was thinking about Proverbs 31, and while reading through it he realized that he has a Proverbs 31 wife. Let me tell you, Rog, those are words that, if you say them and mean them, will melt the heart of your wife someday. I pray you marry a godly woman, a woman that epitomizes the godly Proverbs 31 woman in your life!

After snuggling and napping, we made Christmas presents for our family, then we went to the Christmas Eve service. It was our last one at the Ballard campus of Mars Hill which was wonderful but a tid bittersweet. We had fun driving around looking at Christmas lights (something we plan to make a tradition with you and your siblings!) and then came home and opened our gifts to one another and then watched our favorite Christmas movie, Love Actually. It's a grown-up movie that you probably won't see for many, many years, but don't worry! We'll have lots of kid friendly Christmas favorites for you :)

We couldn't help but talk about how excited we are for next year, when you'll be a part of our Christmas as more than the squirmy little guy in Mama's belly :) We're excited to teach you about Jesus and experience Christmas through the merriment and wonder of your young self! Can't wait to meet you, Roger, and I'm so glad that we're down to the 60s! Time's flying by!

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