10/14/2010

Truth & Wisdom

Today is such a sweet day. To start, I'm 20 weeks pregnant today. Yesterday I saw my baby looking like a baby on an ultrasound for the first time (to be fair, I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks but it just looked like a glorified tadpole at that time). The ultrasound tech said she got a good view of "the bits" and she felt confident in the baby's gender--a good gift I had been praying for! And pretty important if you know about tonight's gender reveal party.

The thing is, I've been super excited about my child. But also God has been just blessing the heck out of my heart and showing me how much He loves me as His daughter. This verse has been rolling around my heart and prayed back to God all day:


Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
        and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.


   Psalm 51:6

I've been thinking about my little baby, how much I adore him/her. I made cards today, one with the girl name and one with the boy name, and prayed for my child and just marveled at the gift of becoming a mother. I had a good conversation with my own mom today and we talked through some of the things from my past. I learned things I never knew and things that I had remembered incorrectly were set straight. And I realized just how evil things that happened to me as a child were, the injustice of a court system that didn't protect a little girl, empowering her abuser and stripping her mother of the ability to do anything about it without risking losing her children to the evil father. And when I say evil, trust me--he was evil. He was a lying, controlling, vindictive, manipulative man who confused me very much and in many ways brainwashed me as a tiny young girl.

When I see a sunset, I see the faithful Father who
brings it back the next morning.
But then the Lord just gave me that verse, out of nowhere really. It just was imprinted on my mind. God desires truth in my inward being, and wisdom in my secret heart. He has given me those things. To be sure, I have much growing to do. But a theme over the last few weeks has been sweet joy in being God's daughter, in believing that He's a good, loving Father who delights in me. The immeasurable and unmatchable passionate love and fierce protection and utter adoration I feel for my sweet baby is just a shadow of how He feels about me, and I know that to be true. I know it. That's incredible.

I realized something earlier this week, while praying for a friend. Wisdom, I was always taught, is the ability to see life from God's perspective. I believed that, so I would read the Bible and then use it to try and make sense of the world around me and anything that happened to me. This seemed right, but it wasn't. God the Father spoke to me, and showed me that wisdom is seeing things as He does, but I don't go searching for it on my own. I was missing a key element--asking God to show me Himself, to glorify Jesus as the truth, shining light into and extinguishing the lies.

See, wisdom isn't just trying to see the world like God does--it's knowing God, delighting in Him, cleaving to Jesus, living by the power of the Holy Spirit. As God reveals Himself to me and I believe the truth about His character as revealed in the Bible then His truth is put deep within me, and wisdom from knowing Him is deep in my heart. Then I do see the world differently, because it's completely colored and brightened and alive and I see it through the eyes of the Father through the Spirit who is living in me.

What a sweet truth. What an honor to know and worship such a good Father. God is knowable. He delights in making Himself known. What a joy! What an incredible privilege I have to pray for MiniMoose, to lift him/her (only 2 more hours of saying that!) up to the Father who knows and loves my sweet baby already, and then to, Lord willing, have a lifetime of being a vehicle of God's grace and truth to my child.

I am one very blessed woman. My heart has been overflowing with gratitude and joy. I keep wanting to cry when the sweetness just bursts through me. I love my good Father, and I ache for others to know Him, too. I know this to be true--when we ask God to give us Himself and show us the truth of His character for His glory and our joy, His delighted answer is always, "Yes." Ask Him that today! Ask Him for Himself, His truth and wisdom in your secret heart, and be blown away at His response, sister.

1 comment:

  1. I love this post. It makes me smile all the way to my heart :) Bek

    ReplyDelete