So, if you are like me and you have always wanted to be a mom, then you have probably tried to imagine those "big" moments. Like how you'll react when the pregnancy test shows that second line (stupefied). Or the way you'll feel when you see your little baby for the first time on the sonogram (surreal. Maybe not real. Maybe I'm dreaming?). Or that miraculous moment when you hear that rapid little heartbeat while your slower, steadier heartbeat resounds in the background (overcome. No words. Miraculous if you know me, really.).
I've had those sweet little moments, too, the ones that I couldn't even dream up, though I sure did try. Most of them include my husband, like how he randomly puts his hand on my belly when I walk by and says, "Baby!", all excited, like a Christmas present where he knows he's getting exactly what he's wanted for a really long time and he just can't wait to open it. Or when he spoons me from behind in bed (I'm always the little spoon, as it should be!) and puts his hand on my belly. Sometimes he sighs contentedly. Other times he prays. He's starting to talk to the baby, though he doesn't believe me that there's really any way to prove that the baby can hear him, science be damned. He's been reading the Jesus Storybook Bible to MiniMoose for months, though, so he's pretty much a big hypocrite :)
Last night one of the "big" moments came. All of my books and iPhone apps say that circa week 18 I should be able to start feeling the baby move. I kept trying to see if I could feel anything, and there were a few times I felt... something, like my heart did a stutter-beat in my stomach. I would quit moving and sit and try to feel it again, but then all I could decipher were stomach and intestinal rumblings, my own heartbeat, frustration at realizing that, though I just went pee 15 minutes ago I could stand to go again, and a sudden desire to go sit on the toilet and do a huge number two.
[Yeah, that's not pretty. But everything just feels... pressurized in my lower abdomen. It's an odd feeling and I want it to go away but I'm guessing I've got a solid 21 weeks or so before I get my wish, and it's gonna get worse before it gets better!]
But then there was last night. I wish I was doing something glamorous, like designing the nursery. Or spiritual, like reading scripture aloud to my child. But nope. I was exhausted from leading Redemption Groups and, unbeknownst to me last night, I was in that downward spiral the night before you wake up with a horrible cold the next morning. I sensed the Holy Spirit telling me to take some down time and just rest. So I did.
This means that during my big moment, the first time I felt the baby move I was catching up on last week's 30 Rock and playing Bejewled Blitz on facebook. That's a story for the ages, right? Such is life. But, apparently, those weird heartbeat feelings I had before actually were the baby, they just didn't last long enough for me to be able to tell that's what they were. I definitely felt the baby move, a few times, over a period of maybe three minutes. It was incredible! I wanted to go wake Jason up (for those who don't know, he gets up at 2:30 am for work so he goes so sleep between 8 & 9 pm) but decided that I'd feel pretty silly if the movement stopped, which it did. I don't think he'd have been able to feel much yet, anyway. Still, so amazing!
Hmm. I just love my baby so much! I'm so excited for our Gender Reveal Party next week (one week from today! Yahoo!) and can't wait to be able to call my child by name. Granted, my cousin just had a baby and the ultrasound tech was certain it was a boy and all of her baby shower gifts were boy themed and to their shock it was a little girl, so nothing's ever set in stone until that baby's out of the womb and into the world. Still, I'm praying that we'll get a clear picture of the gender and know for sure if we're talking to little ______ (fill in super mysterious boy name, to be revealed next week if it's a boy) or to little ________ (fill in super mysterious girl name, to be revealed next week if it's a girl). Mostly, I'm trying to soak up every moment that I can and am super, duper excited for March 3, or, you know, thereabouts :)