6/02/2010

Of Weight And Why: Part III

For awhile after surgery, food wasn't a temptation. I struggled to eat anything. I hated eating. Mainly because I could only eat pureed foods and it took a lot of effort to eat a tiny amount of food that didn't give me any pleasure and it didn't taste good and I wish I could just get an IV of nutrients once a day and never eat again. Eating "bad" foods sounded like a fate worse than death itself and were zero temptation. 

Dastardly Pringles. I love & hate 'em.
Then I got about 6 months out, where I could eat 4 oz or so of pretty much whatever I wanted, so long as I ate slowly, chewed a lot, and didn't eat things high in sugar. Slowly the old ways crept back in. I didn't have a guard up. If I wanted chips, I went right back to believing the old lie that it was fine in moderation and that I could control it. [The fine in moderation part isn't so much of a lie; the me controlling it part is]. You may recall me mentioning that March was an awful month for me and that for two weeks I pretty much only ate Pringles. Only an ounce or two at a time, mind you, but eating four cans of Pringles and almost nothing else does not a healthy diet make.

I remained willfully blind. I convinced myself that because I wasn't like the old me, not binging and purging and eating bags of cookies and chips and sneaking fast food that I was fine. I compared current me- eating two ounces of Pringles- to old me- eating 5,000 calories of fast food in one meal- and thought that I was fine.

Because he's gracious, God woke me up. I wasn't looking to be convicted, I didn't think I needed to change (let alone want to), and yet the Holy Spirit came and showed me the true state of my heart.

The next part of what I write is going to be one of the hardest parts, but man, God is good and I know it will be for his glory.  Too bad you have to wait until Friday to read it :) I promised shorter posts and I meant it! Plus, that last one was long so I'm making up for it :)

I'll set it to post early in the AM, though, if you're just dying to read it!

1 comment:

  1. Tami this is beautiful! I actually think this is great. It's great you struggled/ are still struggling with some of your old habits! Why?

    Because you have to face them! hehe

    I know you never thought that surgery would be a quick fix, that opting for an elective surgery would give you a free pass out of examining the internal reasons you had a weight problem in the first place.

    But I hope you don't look at it as a failure. You've dedicated your life to God, to following a higher path and a higher calling and the work you have ahead of you is PROOF that God is holding you to it. That he believes you CAN work through it and not only that but you WILL and your life, and so many countless lives that we can't even fathom right now, will be an amazing testimony and example because of it.

    YOU impress me.

    Wow. I had no idea I was going to write all of that. :)

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