Thanks to the awesomeness that is Blogger in Draft I have a new theme. I like it!
In case you're wondering- yes, I still do have 2-3 more posts to write on Psalm 139. Truth be told, this is another week where I try to write and it just feels forced. I've been turning to Jesus, but I'm battling major hormones (a side-effect of surgery- body fat stores estrogen so rapid weight loss releases tons of it, not to mention that super-high estrogen levels run in my family. So, for two weeks of most months, I have quite the war raging in my body). It's not an excuse to sin, and I don't pretend it is. I'm struggling- I keep turning back to Jesus, what feels like 75, 316 times a day, and my heart doesn't get any softer and want to stay there, so I have to keep fighting and turning back and crying out.
I'm definitely learning a lot- like how I feel entitled to have a soft heart all of the time, and how I think that God allowing me to struggle with hormones isn't fair and, were he actually a good God, he'd take them away. Today Jesus gently revealed to me that I only want him right now on my terms, and my terms are that he take away the awful effects of these hormones (feeling intermittently hopeless, wanting to rage & and scream, irritable over ev. ery. thing.); my attitude to Jesus is that if he won't give me what I want- a soft heart- then I don't want him. Ouch.
The truth is, while some things I know are definitely only hormone related (I never- really, NEVER- feel utterly despairing and hopeless when my hormones aren't a factor), other issues, like the feelings of anger when I don't get what I feel entitled to, are sinful attitudes that are already in my heart and the hormones are simply an object that bump against the cup of my heart so that the dirty, entitled, sinful water spills out. Even here, Jesus can meet me, and he's enough even if the hormones don't go away. Which makes me want to dive into something he did say to me today through Psalm 139, but for now I won't. My goal is to finish the 2-3 posts and then say, "Guess what? Psalm 139 is finally back for the conclusion!", and then to post them every other day.
For now, enjoy the new theme! I have a recipe post that I'll put up this weekend- gluten free rolls. I didn't make it up- I'm not a do-it-myself baker (as in, I am a recipe follower when it comes to baking!)- but the recipe is AWESOME! [EDIT: It's written and scheduled to post late Sunday afternoon so be sure to check in!]
Thanks for your patience, and let me know what you think of the new theme!